This is my stab at tackling the topic of purity and dating. It is all based on the belief that God's desire is for individuals to stay pure until marriage. It is not based on the idea that I am perfect or my kids will be perfect, but that it is a worthy aim. I was not raised with that aim. While I think things have turned out OK, there are some detours I would have been better off missing. I'm sure I'll have more to write, but I'll start with this....
Throughout my oldest son's elementary years, we slowly peeled back the "birds and the bees" lesson, but as the end of elementary approached, things got more serious. In the spring of 6th grade, the school district's health lesson tells all, but also shares a lesson on AIDS and how you can get it. There are many views out there on dating and relationships, but our goal was for our children to avoid serious dating and physical relationships and to not conform to the world's views. I want them to understand an idea: Dating an individual is to determine if you are suitable mates for marriage and one should seek to remain sexually pure until then. Thus, while dances, socials, and having friends of the opposite sex have a place, serious dating and sexual promiscuity in these years have no place.
So, one weekend, in the spring of 6th grade, my oldest son and I set out for a weekend to discuss these things. We used the Passport2Purity materials. They consist of books and audio CD's. We actually set aside Friday night through Saturday night to have fun and review the lessons. What follows is how we went about it.
GETTING STARTED
Below is an outline I used to discuss sexual purity with my son. It is only an outline, but you can use it if you don't go the Passport2Purity materials. You miss out on much of the content, but any investment of time on this issue would be worth it, but the more the better. You may have to think on your toes, so be sure to review they outline in advance.
The idea is that you want your son or daughter to remain pure until they are married. Why? because that is what God has called us to. You are not here to discuss if you remained pure and were able to make it to this point in your life without too much emotional or physical damage from your activities before you were married.
PRE-WORK
- Write your son a letter letting him know a little about yourself and why you think the topic of purity is important. Let him know that the time you will be spending together discussing it will expand on the idea. If you can, get a few of your other male friends who know him to write him a know.
- Buy a small journal for him to record notes. In the blank pages, write out the major points of the outlines with blank pages in between for him to fill in.
- Review main ideas and scripture.
- Purchase a simple, not too simple, puzzle, a box of matches, a bottle of water, and food color tablet
SESSION 1 – What is our guide for life? God's Word.
Dinner - tell him what the time you spend together is to discuss sexual purity. Let him you are not here to re-discuss everything he has heard about in health class. (throughout the weekend, be prepared to re-discuss how everything works in case he nodded his head in class a lot, but still did not get it.) Tell him that God's plan is for him to remain sexually pure throughout his life and to enjoy sex fully in the context of marriage. Present journal with letters. Let him know that reviewing and memorizing scripture is part of your time together.
Main Idea: Though today's culture tells us how we are to live, God's word is our guide.
Questions: Page 3-4
Review and Memorize
“He is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything.” Colossians 1:18
“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalm - 119:105
Suggested Activity: Try putting together a puzzle together without the picture on the box. It can't be done...you need a guide. In the same way, remind your child that without God's Word, we are lost.
Parent Questions: Page 5
SESSION 2 - Running with the Herd and Understanding Peer Pressure
Questions: Pages 9-12
Listen to audio message
Main Idea: Peer Pressure is all around, and it is not always good. Make up your mind in advance the type of teenager you are going to be so you are ready when you face temptation.
Know what to look for in a friend.
What do they think about?
What do they watch and read and look at?
What do they talk about? And do they use bad language?
Where do they spend their time?
Are they committed to Christ?
Memorize
“Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” Become sober-minded as you ought, and stop sinning; for some have no knowledge of God” -1 Corinthians 15:33-34a
Activity: show your child a bottle of water that is clean and pure....which represents who he is today and how God desires him to be. Next, show him the food color tablet. It represents ideas and actions that take him away from God's plan for him. Drop the tablet in the water. We have many friends that are good influences in our lives, but be on guard for those that would take us away from God's plan. Stay clean and pure.
Make up your mind Question: Page 13
Parent Question: Pages 13-14
SESSION 3, Growing into Sexual Maturity
Idea: Sexual Maturity…it’s happening. See if they understand what sex is. Let them know it was designed by God and intended for marriage as a way of bringing children into the world. It brings closeness in a marriage. But, you must keep your desires under control, and treat young women with respect. Answer any remaining questions from health class. Be up front! He has heard all the terms already. Make sure there is understanding.
Listen to audio message
Questions: Page 25-29
Memory Verse
“Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” -1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Suggested Activity: Burned up. Show him that once a match is lit, it cannot be re-lit. In the same way, once you lose your purity, it cannot be regained. Tell him he has to make up his mind now, that he will remain sexually pure until he is married.
Make up your mind questions: Page 30
Parent Questions: Page 30
SESSION 4 - Staying Pure
Listen to audio message
Main Idea: to stay pure, you must establish boundaries. Think of being close to a cliff. The safest area is far from the edge.....holding hands. The most unsafe area is intercourse...off the cliff. Everywhere in between represents the progression from one place to the next. Where does one draw the line? As far away as possible. You must make up your mind in advance.
Questions: Pages 33-35
Memory Verse
“I want you to swear, O daughters of Jerusalem, Do not arouse or awaken my love Until she pleases.” - Song of Solomon 8:4
Discuss activity: Leaky balloon - a large balloon filled with water will not burst when punctured with a needle, but will leak out over time. You can always wait, but you cannot go back.
"Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." - 2 Timothy 2:22
"It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality" - 1 Thessalonians 4:3
Make up your mind Question: Page 36
Parent Question: Page 36
SESSION 5 - It's a Date
Listen to the audio message
Main Idea: Dating, when is the right time.
What is Dating? It is when a boy and a girl are together alone. The purpose is to see if God wants you to marry this person. How old should you be? The question is whether you are mature enough to be trusted. You should be with a person who knows Christ and who is approved by your parents. See dating as serving others...not to fix others. Go in groups. Don't act married. No physical touch. Parents decide when you are old enough. Keep them involved. Communicate, set boundaries, and guard your purity.
Be willing to wait.
It's ok and good to have friends who are girls at this point, but a side of all of this is helping to have healthy relationships.
Questions: Page 39-43
Memory Verse
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” - Phillipians 2:3-4
Discuss Activity: Glued Up
Make up your mind questions: Page 44
Parent Questions: Page 44
CONCLUSION
- Summarize the key points of the sessions. He may not have turned the corner yet from a physical and maturity perspective, but he will.
- Let him know you will be going thru these materials again in the future. Look for opportunities to re-address issues...near first school dance....when a friend gets a girlfriend.
- Have him sign a purity pledge ( make it up on your own)
- Give him a special gift, such as a pocket knife, to remind him of the time you had together.
- Let him know you are there for any questions.
- Pray with him.
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